I was probably the last person she encountered on the side of her bed before she finally died. Every time I think about this moment I am filled with regrets.
I wish I knew what I know now. The last moments before death is crucial & caregivers know how important it is to prepare someone for death and dying.
Often a Priest or any minister of the Gospel is called to minister to the dying & prepare them for death spiritually.
I was young, we talking 1990 filled with zeal without compassion. I looked at her as if she was a disgusting piece of something that deserved nothing but eternal damnation in hell.
I approached her sick bed at Konkola Mine Hospital in Chililabombwe. With my Gideons Bible in my hands I raised my voice so that other sinners around me both the patients & their visitors could hear me loud & clear.
"See your life now", I said to the patient. For the wages of sin is death. You will not escape this, you are dying. You were such a filthy lowlife prostitute.
You slept with miners, politicians, smugglers & soldiers. You had no shame nor remorse.
Look at yourself now, the virus has eaten your body. God is punishing you with HIV AIDS because of your sexual immorality.
And if you think akashishi (insect: that's what we called the virus) is painful, hell will be more painful for you.
She was just there helpless, big eyes but no strength to even respond to me. I walked out of the hospital feeling like John the Baptist.
After that lunch hour hospital visit, news reached me that she has died.
I felt no compassion or wished the bereaved family condolences. Today in hindsight I feel ashamed of my actions in 1990. But that was not without context.
The first case of HIV AIDS broke out in Zambia in 1984. I was only 13 years then & the stigma that was associated with it was so bad that if a member of your family had AIDS, the whole family lived in shame.
This virus at this stage was sexually transmitted only therefore it was associated to sexual immorality.
The Church struggled to formulate a theological position that was gracious to people living with HIV AIDS.
Instead from the pulpits the narrative was created that Aids is a punishment from God because of the sexual immorality of people.
In the midst of the pandemic we (the church) struggle to distinguish the Old Testament God who punished sinners with stoning, sicknesses, war or starvation, from a New Testament God who is long suffering towards us not willing that we perish but that we come to repentance.
Wrong doctrines on pandemics always leads to wrong responses. We lack empathy and seek to prove our theological position right while losing lives.
Because we just don't care if people die because it advances our argument.
I have honestly forgotten her name & those of her siblings. But I still remember the awful name we called her, 'Boss of Hule' which means the boss of prostitutes.
It was a family of three girls. She was a little huge & tall. You could feel her presence as well as those of her siblings.
Prostitution was their livelihood, an open secret known in our small mining town. We would shout when we see her from a distance "boss of Hule!" & run away because this girl when she lays hands on you she would beat the hell out of you.
But I guess they had a thick skin. She was the first human being I knew who contracted HIV/Aids.
In those days they treated you for Tuberculosis. Plus 60 injections which left patients darkish. Her body began to deteriorate.
The once boss of Hule lost her glory days as you watched her walking slowly to the clinic & we would be shouting "ninshi muletushila?" which means why are you leaving us? As in dying!
Now this is one of the many derogatory words we used on people living with HIV AIDS. In fact the statement "living with HIV AIDS" came into use after many years of sensitization.
She was finally admitted to the hospital at that point we were just waiting for news of her demise.
She was not only the first person I knew who had AIDS, but she was also the first person I knew to die of HIV AIDS.
I failed to minister salvation to her because in my mind she was a candidate for hell and God proved it by giving her the virus to punish her.
I failed to demonstrate the love of God. I was well positioned to point her to Christ but she was not fit for the kingdom of God, so I thought.
What lessons have I drawn from the Church's attitude towards Aids then, and now?
While we have a few preachers who stop people from taking ARVs, people living with HIV AIDS can live longer lives, health and normal lives.
In our time HIV AIDS was visible. But these days unless a person opens up you just never know. When I am praying for people I often get the most beautiful & good looking women whisper in my ears, "Pastor pray for me, I am HIV positive".
Coronavirus came upon us unprepared.
While the scientific community began to look for medical solution, the Church's response has been apocalyptic, 5G, 666, mark of the beast etc.
And when our doctrine around viruses are wrong, our response will be wrong. We ought to be compassionate and really reach out as people lose lives and livelihood.
To pray for medical professionals as they risk their own lives to save lives.
To pray for governing authorities as they serve community in a pandemic. I don't want to wake up 10 years from today and realize people never turned into zombies & they are not 5G connectors.
It is perfectly okay for the Church to say we don't know what is going on, but we trust God is still in control.
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