COPING WITH DEPRESSION DURING COVID19 PANDEMIC
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I have been deeply touched by the scriptures in 1Peter 5:9-10 as I pondered on my own experience of both depression and the ugly and deadly jaws of the coronavirus. The Bible records;
“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and even. Amen”.
I share my life and experience because through my vulnerability, some people who are going through the same things (suffering) can identify and fight a good fight of faith knowing that others have been there before, and they conquered.
I know that the pandemic has had a toil on mental health. Stress, depression, suicidal, anxiety, fear of death and dying, and general hopelessness.
While this maybe true to others out there, it is a complete opposite for me, and my mental health during this pandemic. I have moved from wanting to die, to praying for healing and life. My inquisitive mind couldn’t leave me alone until I find out why is it so?
The key words in the passage above is; “because you know that your brothers throughout the World are undergoing the same kind of suffering”.
Though I have struggled with depression and anxiety whole my life, I didn’t know that the struggle was a mental health issue. But between 2017 – 2019 I reached my rock bottom. Deep down there it is dark, deep and scary.
I was alone in that hole and I never saw the imaginary light at the end of the tunnel. That light at the end of the tunnel is a phrase that describes hope.
It doesn’t matter how deep your depression is, if you can see the light, you have hope of getting out of the deep-end. Suicidal thoughts only show up if you cannot see the light….hope.
Light represents life, and darkness represents death. When it’s dark we jump into bed and sleep. At the dawn of light we arise to go out there and do life.
Therefore, since I didn’t see the light, I had lost hope of living. My prayers from 2017-2019 was; “Please Lord, take my life away”. I prayed for death, I wanted to die, I begged God to take me home, but like job I remained alive in shame and pain.
When I attempted to take my own life, the last train that was to take my like at Wittebom train station was miraculously cancelled. I remained at the platform, when my son arrived followed by two police officers. My son cried and said; “Dad please come home”.
I sat in the police van as the two police officers began to share their own stories of rejection and pain. I promised the officers I will seek professional help immediately. And I went to Victoria hospital and booked an appointment with the Psychologist. This journey helped me a lot.
Just when I thought I beat this depression, coronavirus arrived in South Africa, and Africa.
During this period of the pandemic I don’t feel depressed and extreme anxiety. I feel the pain of the lose and suffering, but as it comes to my mental health I feel very strong.
I have been asking myself as to why I have not crushed in this pandemic. 2020-2021 has not taken a toil on my mental health. Financially like most of you yes it has affected me deeply.
I know this is my personal journey, it doesn’t reflect every person who struggles with mental health. However; I discovered that there is a PERSONAL STRUGGLE and CORPORATE STRUGGLE.
Depression was my personal struggle. Of course it did affect those close to me, but I was in that deep, dark, and scary place alone.
Personal struggle isolates you. People can’t understand exactly where you are at. Some will say “just shake it off”, others will say; “If you are a child of God you wouldn’t have depression”. Yet for others; “he is just seeking attention”.
In that sense personal struggle is suffering in isolation, in exclusion, and shame alone. Sometimes it feels like it’s the world against you.
Coronavirus is a global pandemic affecting everyone. There is a real sense of the world sharing in the same suffering. You may not identify with my struggle with depression, but you can identify with coronavirus;
“because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering”.
Therefore, I am coping well mentally in the pandemic because the coronavirus is not against me alone, it is attacking my brothers and sisters across the world.
This resilience I have is because it’s not personal that I was infected with coronavirus. I moved from a depressed Lawrence who prayed for God to take his life, to praying for healing and life.
Today, I stand before you as a survivor of depression and coronavirus, and I conquered both by the grace of God.
Finally; I pray that you stand in faith and expect that this season shall pass. Right now we are at war with the deadly pandemic.
In war you suffer casualties yes! But you don’t stop fighting in order to mourn.
And I know that like me some of you have postponed grief. My sister died just when I was recovering from covid19, making the number of lose in our family to three between December, 2020 to January, 2021.
I couldn’t grieve over my sister. I just distracted myself on social media. I will mourn her when we beat covid19.
I know you have lost loved ones, jobs and businesses. But together let us fight this common enemy, when we conquer (which we will) then we can count our loses and mourn our loved ones who have departed.
For those struggling with depression, hope is what you need in this season.
Don’t give up in the night of suffering, dawn is coming.
The light of hope is about to pop-up soon in that valley.
Depression & isolation are deadly combination. You maybe a Pastor, Pastor's wife or my brother or sister in faith, don't die in that deep hole alone.
Let's talk about it 😊☺️☺️
Lawrence Musunte
WhatsApp @ +27817030540
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