Text: (Matthew 19: 1-12)
INTRODUCTION
Marriage was not meant to be dysfunctional. The Genesis 3 sin brought about breakdown in marriage and family life. To endure physical, emotional, verbal, sexual and economic abuse simply because 'God's hates divorce' is using God and God's word as license to Gender based violence. No one should be trapped in an abusive relationship or marriage, there is a way out and in most cases it's a life and death situation. It's far much better to lose your marriage and save your life, than to save your marriage and lose your life in the process. You are not martyr if you your husband/wife kills when you had opportunity to flee from the slaughter house. I resisted the temptation of beginning this discussion on “The Question of Divorce” by giving statistics on divorce in South Africa. While statistics might inform us how we are doing in this area of divorce, I realize that sometimes what statistics do is to play a scare or fear tactics on people. And often statistics might not even help to reduce divorce cases, instead give one a sense of 'wow', I am after all not the first to go this route of divorce. Great crowds following Christ and healing many suggests a successful ministry of Jesus Christ. The transition from Galilee sets him up to his final journey to Jerusalem where he will suffer many things at the hands of his enemies, and be crucified and die. It also signals the great opposition from the Pharisees, as they feel threatened by his presence. The Question of Divorce is just one of those traps they are setting up against him to discredit him.
#QUESTION ONE (Vs. 3)
#Pharisees: Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? This is not a genuine question that seeks a genuine answer. It is a trap, a set up, so as to discredit Jesus. The question being asked here is never about the legality of divorce, it is assumed divorce is given. The question does not read, “Is it lawful to divorce?” No! Instead the question is about the reasons/grounds for divorce, “Is it lawful to divorce for any and every reason?” The conversation around divorce in the times of Jesus was hot, controversial and very divisive subject. The Pharisees were divided into at least two different schools of thought on the matter and each school holding a very strong opinion on the matter. They now turn to Jesus not to be taught, but to draw him and swallow him up into their controversies. They are indirectly asking Jesus to join one of the two opposing camps on the question of divorce. If there is an issue that has in recent years divided the church is the issue of homosexuality. The Church seems to be at the cross-roads as homosexuality begins to take inroads, we risk arrests and persecutions should we say or take a stand against popular opinion on the matter. Quoting the words of the Archbishop Thabo Makgoba, “I wish I was in Makgoba’s kloof because if one is pained and hurt, it pains me too and I have learned as a priest that there are no losers and winners in the kingdom of God. The pain on both sides is palpable and tangible, and the image of the double-edged sword pierces me” On 30th September, 2016 the Anglican Church of Southern Africa voted to reject the proposal to allow prayers of blessing to be offered to same sex marriages. The Church is today divided on the question of homosexuality, as the people in the time of Jesus were divided on the question of divorce. Where is the source of this division over the question of divorce coming from? It is coming from the wrong interpretation of “indecency” in (Deuteronomy 24: 1-4) “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something #indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from the house…” What is this “something indecent?” Let us examine the two schools of thought among the Pharisees;
THE SCHOOL OF SHAMMAI
This school of thought held the view that “something indecent” means adultery. Therefore, the only ground for divorce according to Shammai is sexual immorality.
THE SCHOOL OF HILLEL
This school of thought held the view that “something indecent” means whatever the husband finds/deems distasteful in his wife. This school of thought provides room for just about any and every reason. Example; if the wife burns his food, that alone is enough reason/ground for divorce. Under Hillel the reasons for divorce would include; If she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found someone else he likes, that is enough reason to divorce. If she gets too fat or too thin, or get wrinkles on her face. If he likes his steak medium/rare and she brings him well done, he is done with her! The most popular school of thought you could imagine was Hillel.
ANSWER TO QUESTION ONE (Vs.4- 6)
Jesus Christ: “At the beginning the creator made them male and female...” The Pharisees are concerned about a justification of the law without considering what God has done in the beginning. Jesus’ response addresses the issue of marriage first, not divorce. Pharisees are seeking to be experts in understanding divorce, and fail lamentably in understanding marriage. As the saying goes, “Do not break down the wall, without first finding out why it was built in the first place”. Before we can talk about breaking down a marriage, we must first find out why it was built or established in the first place. We can’t begin the question of divorce in Matthew 19, Deuteronomy 24, Exodus 21, Genesis 11, Genesis 4, Genesis 3. We must begin this conversation from creation in Genesis 2:21- 25. Christ points them to scripture, “haven’t you read?” The opinion held by Shammai and Hillel, and indeed human popular opinions and are not more important than the revealed word of God in scripture. Jesus, on the question of divorce points them back to scripture. In his responses Jesus raises the following points; God’s original intent for marriage is between one biological #male and one biological woman. Marriage creates a one flesh union and a life commitment. Man is not allowed to breakdown the institution of marriage created by God. In the beginning God created them male and female. Sexuality is not an accident; Sexuality is God’s creation. You are who you are; male or female, man or woman, boy or girl by God’s original design. Sexuality is God’s original intent, not for status or importance but of function. God created male and female as equals in the sight of God, yet different in function. God did not create certain “males” and certain “females” and locked or imprisoned them in some dark closet; So that now they feel the need to begin to come out of their closets. The “closet language” is the current popular school of thought, (Political correctness) which is informed by the hardness of hearts as the consequences of the fall of man. It was never that way from the beginning. The question of divorce, homosexuality and polygamy should all be examined through creation order in Genesis 2. Secondly, “for this reason” #leaving, #cleaving and #becoming one flesh is God’ will from the very beginning. Family according to God’s plan begin with the man and woman coming together. The two are not just the foundation of family, they are family. Children are a gift from God, some couples’ will be blessed to have children, and others might not have the gift of children. Whether this union has children or not, it is still a family. At some point, children will leave their parents, cleave to their wives and begin their own family. But husband or wife are family, they don’t leave, they stay even after children have come and gone. “Children should not be a reason why a couple should stay together; Children should not be the reason why a couple should divorce. Before children came, marriage existed, and after children grow up and leave, marriage remains. Marriage pre-dates the birth of Children”. Thirdly, “what God has joined together, let no man separate”. This union is glued by God and no man has authority to break what God has joined together.
QUESTION TWO (Vs. 7)
Pharisees: “why then did Moses command that a man gives his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” The Pharisees ask Jesus why the law giver Moses commanded to give her a certificate of divorce. At this point Jesus corrects them, Moses did not command but permitted them to divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. Divorce was not part of the original plan of God in the beginning. And so, every couple that enters marriage need to know that divorce was never intended in the beginning. Marriage is instituted by God, divorcing, breaking or putting away of this holy institution is going against God Himself. Opposing marriage is opposing God! “I hate divorce, says, the LORD God of Israel, and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as his garments, says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith” (Malachi 2: 16) Most Christians use this Malachi 2: 16, as a bashing scripture to all divorced couples, “God hates divorce!” Yes, “God hates divorce”, and so does everyone else who has gone through a divorce. There are no after parties after divorce, people who go through a divorce don’t go about celebrating, it’s a painful and often lonely journey. In (Vs. 9) Jesus grants that marital unfaithfulness is the ground for divorce. Marital unfaithfulness is derived from the Greek word “pornea” which is rendered fornication.
The Greek word for adultery is “moicheia”, causing some to argue that sexual immorality before marriage is ground for divorce. It does make sense in the culture where a woman is expected to be a virgin on her first day of her marriage. When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant, he wanted to put her away (divorce) quietly.
But the term fornication is more inclusive, it must be understood as all forms of sexual perversion, from pre-marital, extra-marital, incest, rape etc. can all be defined as pornea. Now having established the ground for divorce, let us go back to the “hardness of heart”. “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard”. Divorce was never a command, but a concession because of the hardness of men’s hearts. By going after foreign gods, Israel committed adultery against God. God, who describes himself as a jealous God, forgave Israel each time they turned back to him in repentance. Divorce is a #concession, adultery is the #ground, but Jesus in (Matthew 18: 21-35) shows us how the forgiven servant who received grace, was ungraceful to his fellow-servant who owed him and refused to extend forgiveness.
Even in the case of adultery, there is room for repentance, forgiven, healing and reconciliation. Sin hardens hearts, the gospel of Jesus Christ softens our hearts. God promised to remove the hearts of stones that were stubborn against his word, and gave to us the hearts of flesh. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has touched our hearts, changed our hearts, softened our hearts to be able to extend love and grace to our husbands/wives who owe us a debt due to marital unfaithfulness.
OTHER GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE IN SCRIPTURE
“If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money” (Exodus 21: 10- 11) In this context marriage could be dissolved if the wife is deprived of food, clothing and sex. “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to peace”. (1 Cor. 7: 15)
THE DISCIPLES’ REACTION TO JESUS’ ANSWERS (Vs. 10)
Disciples: If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry. This “case of man and his wife” strikes the disciples right at the core of their contemporary cultural practices. Jesus rises the bar high on the question of divorce, it is so high that the disciples of Jesus feel celibacy is better in that case. Jesus: Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it is given. The disciples ended with the words, “it is better not to marry”. To which Jesus responds, “not everyone has this gift of celibacy. He highlights three kinds of eunuchs;
Those who were born that way. This kind have no choice, and to live this kind of live deprived from the wonderful gift of marriage is not a good thing. Those who are made that way by men. Incapacitated by men and deprived too of the gift of marriage is not out of choice and it’s not something good. Those who have chosen to be eunuchs as a personal preference for the kingdom of God, which is a good thing. Jesus ends this passage with these words, “the one who can accept this should accept it”
CONCLUSION
Friends, marriage was and is never been a result of the fall of man. Marriage existed prior the fall in the time of innocence. It is the institution God created which ought to be honored by all.
As the marriage handbook records, “Marriage ought not to be entered upon lightly, or an advisedly, but duly considering the reasons as to why it was ordained”. We never make a vow with any supermarket. My allegiance to the supermarket begins and ends with the low price and the freshness of the meat and vegetables. The day the prices go up, and the day the vegetables and milk are off, I walk out without looking back straight into the next supermarket.
Friends, the marriage house is not a supermarket where you enter with reservations knowing if I don’t find what I want, or if I don’t like what they are offering I will walk out and go into another. This relationship is likened to the mystic union of Christ and the Church. Only death can terminate a marriage bond. Because it is such a serious relationship, please don’t fall in love, stand in love. Don’t follow your heart and surrender your brains at the altar of love, the seriousness of this institution requires to in enter soberly not intoxicated with love. It requires you to enter advisedly not ignorantly, once you enter matrimony, the door behind you is shut, no coming back. For those who have experienced divorce, I know that just as God hates divorce, you hate it too.
We live in a broken world; something will break no matter how much we work hard and try to prevent it from happening. Yours is to accept God’s forgiven and healing, and stop beating yourself up. As ministers, it is the words of God, “what God has put together, let no man put asunder”. Our goal when dealing with marital conflicts is to try prayerfully to bring you to the place of reconciliation.
But as a Pastor I don't live with your spouse, I don't live in your marriage, I don't live with your family. While God hates divorce, God hates violence in marriage. When you feel you life is in danger by your husband or wife, run for your life. An abusive husband/wife is a sick and twisted person who needs to be removed from society so he/she can heal somewhere in an institution.
To stay in the abusive marriage enduring beatings, choking and insults praying that he will change is putting yourself in harm's way, and endangering the lives of your children.
As Pastors, we don’t seek to be the ones to decide whether you should end your marriage or stick in it.
In case you go through a divorce due to Gender based violence we still love you as a sister or brother in faith, and you will find healing in the Church. We will support you, stand alongside you, and we shall be your safe place.
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