OPEN RELATIONSHIPS • MONOGAMY • POLYGAMY
Any concept that positions a woman in an unrestricted space to enjoy sex with multiple men or even women in case of bi-sexual while committed to an ongoing relationship or marriage is deemed unethical, immoral, unchristian & anti-cultural.
When news of Will & Jada Smith being in an open marriage came out there was lots of conversation.
How does an open relationship in a context of a married couple work?
The focus was on Will & Jada to model how this open relationship works.
Today our example of an open marriage is rumored to be going for a divorce.
What exactly went wrong for a couple that articulated their concept of an open relationship so convincingly well?
"There were problems between them for years, but now they barely speak to each other. The tension between them has been palpable" sources told Heat Magazine.
This marriage of 25 years has gone through seasons where the couple took a break from each other due to cheating and open relationships.
Do men cope well in open relationships, especially in the context of marriage? Are men capable of seeing their wives being sexually intimate with other men and being okay with it?
First things first; monogamy is an idea that is learned. A socially acceptable ideal that defines how humans view marriage. The options available are monogamy & polygamy.
Polyandry which seems to favor women having more than one husband is usually rejected as it does not conform to social norms that define a marriage in which a male figure governs.
Does it mean being born in a monogamous culture automatically makes us all monogamous?
No, it doesn't.
We are creatures of huge appetites. Creatures that desire more, especially what is not ours.
Many people in monogamous relationships have thought of being in an open relationship.
But fail to sit down and agree with their partners because, in as much as a man wants to be married but also free to mingle without guilt or consequence, many men cannot stomach their significant other being sexually involved with other men.
The option available then is cheating.
If given a choice, would you be interested to be in an open relationship?
Let us then first define an open relationship.
By definition is two adults in a relationship that is not exclusive. You are therefore free to have both intimate sexual or non-sexual relationships with other people, but remain with your partner.
Rules of engagement are different. Some require that you open up to your steady partner the names of people you are having sexual or intimate relations with.
Other couples require that those other people they are seeing should never under any circumstances be brought to their matrimonial house.
Go book a hotel room, or do it in some bush or jungle out there. In other ways, there must be discretion even in open relationships.
Open relationships are not only sexual.
Some people honestly fall in love with your voice.
Others fall in love with your brain.
Others fall in love with your physical appearance and yet others fall in love with your positive energy.
Because monogamy is such a closed-up prison affair, the intellectual, emotional, and personality traits could be missing in one person.
Yes, the sex is great but the conversations are shallow.
People do get orgasms of the brain after engaging with certain people on a mind or intellectual level.
And because we are culturally oriented toward monogamy, we fail to clearly define what it is that attracts you to the opposite sex except for sex and marriage.
Some people who were simply supposed to be great friends are trapped in a marriage because they felt the only way to authenticate their opposite-sex friendship is through a monogamous marriage.
Open relationships can also be spaces where couples can pursue non-sexual but deep relationships they might never have with their partners.
If your partner is not aware that you have sexual relationships with other people out there, it is not an open relationship, it is cheating.
Are we made for monogamy? Our sexual activities say the opposite.
In South Africa for example among cheaters, 62% are men, while 38% of cheaters are female.
The ratio is; 1:5 for men and 1:6 for women.
This means 20% of men cheat, and 13% of women cheat on their married partners.
The country with the highest number of cheaters is the United States of America.
71% of couples in the USA admitted to cheating on their spouses.
These are numbers, as they say, numbers don't lie. And indeed numbers reveal that we are more inclined to have more than one sexual partner.
Monogamy is a religious constraint. Even polygamy doesn't resolve human desire for more sex, dangerous sex, on the edge sex, adrenaline sex & stolen sex (waters)
Perhaps you need to be honest about whether you like hide & seek affairs or agree to an open relationship.
The question ringing rapidly in my mind; Is marriage the best place to practice an open relationship?
Perhaps we should introduce one most powerful emotion which is JEALOUS!
No amount of wokeness or independence or self-love can easily quench this one most powerful force.
The Holy scriptures put it in these words; "love is as strong as death, and jealous as cruel as the grave".
God, Himself is defined as a jealous God. Idolatry, therefore, is forbidden because God in His jealousy can't share us with other gods.
Even among Christians married couples while they confess monogamy coupled with marital faithfulness, in action indeed they lean towards non-monogamous relationships.
I define jealousy as a normal human emotional response when one feels that their territory is being invaded.
If this relationship is going to be an open one, why close it up with marriage?
It's open, leave the door open so that you come and go as you wish.
We can go further and suggest separate living spaces. So that when your partner is bringing someone into their house, you are informed that between 20hrs & 6 am, there will be someone else in my bed.
To commit to marriage concept, and raising children in that kind of arrangement is emotionally challenging.
In the Will & Jada open marriage, one of them is jealous, or even hurt but won't publicly admit it because this kind of concept they pushed isn't working for at least for one person.
That one person might be Will or Jada. At the end of the day, we are just humans who feel hurt when another person carnally engages your spouse while in the matrimonial home.
So the challenge of an open marriage includes fears and insecurities.
The woman might look at the Instagram pictures of the other woman the husband is intimate with and feel she is more beautiful.
The man might check out the man his wife is taking to bed and feel inferior, and insecure because he looks more handsome, athletic & well-built.
You may begin to develop bad feelings about your partner or another sexual partner.
But to end it all in the context of sexually transmitted diseases, open relationships, if there are no conversations around safe sex, could lead to sexually transmitted illnesses like HIV/Aids.
While I submit that our nature doesn't sit well with monogamous relationships, the benefits of one man, and one woman far outweigh the consequences of bedding many sexual partners.
And if monogamy is not a cross you are willing to carry, I suggest non-committal relationships that don't legally or culturally bind you together.
Open should be open without vows.
Open must be open without rings.
Open must be open without sharing the same house.
With this, I open this debate to the public to express their views whether religious, cultural or non-cultural, and nonreligious views without disrespecting others who hold divergent views.
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