“Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the savour of the body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”. (Ephesians 5: 21- 24)
At this point if you are a lady reading this you will be saying, “Come on Lawrence, not this submission thing again”. I want you to know that I understand your fears and your suspicions around this subject of Biblical submission. However, I would encourage you to read on and prayerfully seek to understand God’s divine wisdom behind submission as it relates to marriage. In view of the Biblical passage given above, allow me to begin by establishing how the household in Ephesus and even other Greco-Roman cities looked like so that we can understand the context in which the Apostle Paul is speaking. The household in the Greco-Roman culture is often bigger sometimes even bigger than the extended families in the African context. The household would include the husband and his wife, their children and grandchildren, servants, laborers, slaves, business partners and Tenants will all constitute one household. These households often had specialized trade which became the brand name for the household. The name of the household was synonymous to the kind of business they are involved in. These households were also economical hubs, every member of the household had a role to play in contributing to the economical growth of the household. In this context all members of the household submitted to one man who was the head of the household. The head held the household together. As time went by Roman society did not only have men as heads of families, some women emerged and began to break the cultural norms, rising above the tradition of male dominance to become prominent women and leaders and heads of households. One such woman is mentioned in (Acts 16: 14-15), her name was Lydia she was a business woman dealing in purple. In those days purple was a colour of royalty which means purple materials were for the rich. In this passage Lydia is described as the head of her household. As the gospel began to penetrate, and in some instances the heads of the household together with all members of the household became Christians. The Apostle Paul in this passage is trying to show how the Christian household looks like, since the husband and wife, children and parents, slaves and masters have now been transformed by the Spirit of God.
What is the behaviour of the Christian household in a culture were women are belittled , where children are not considered, slaves are abused? This subject should not be approached defensively building up high walls around our hearts to refute anything to do with submission. In the same breath this subject should not be approached aggressively pushing our weight and egos on women folk forcing submission under their throats. We need with open hearts be willing to accept the historical injustice that have seen our women abused in the name of African culture and in the name of the Christian Bible. Culture and Christianity should not be used in peddling the abuse of women. As a man I refuse to accept any form of culture or religion that systematically dehumanize our women, and treat them as if they are less equal to menfolk.
Wives Submit To Your Own Husbands
in a nutshell the message is simply; wives, submit to the leadership of your own husband as to the Lord. Unfortunately the word submit is like a sharp knife in the ears of many women today, and to be honest, I don’t blame them for being defensive, angry and sometimes hostile because out there are many misconceptions about submission.
Historically and in many cases today men have not acted right by women, treating her like an inferior sex, stepping over her as an object to be used, abused and dominated. She has no say in the relationship, and even if she had a say or view she had no voice to verbalize it. She knows how she wants to be treated, but she has no guts to state how she ought to be treated because she has no rights, none whatever. It begins with the father who denies his daughter the right over her body, and as long as she is a girl she is under the capture of her father. She is a slave first in her father’s house. The father does not release her to go into the world and follow her dreams, pursue her career and aspire for greatness. She is a girl with no rights in her father’s house. The day she leaves the house she is escorted up to the marriage altar holding her hand firmly signifying women should never be left to go in the world without the supervision of men. At the altar of marriage the ownership of a woman changes hands, from one man who is the father, to another man who is now the husband.
I cannot stomach the vows of purity that father’s force their daughters to enter into. The father acting like the Bridegroom dressed in his wedding suit, and daughter dressed in white make purity vows before God to remain sexually pure until marriage. The father puts a ring on the daughter’s marriage finger. This to me is the perpetuation of male dominance, not that I am against sexual purity but I believe that scripture has enough authority to teach the young people how to keep themselves pure. But the vow of purity suggests that sexual purity is demanded of the girl child, but not demanded of the boy child. So I ask, why don’t mothers’ enter the vows of purity with their sons? No, it’s a male dominated world. Men own women, like slaves women simply change ownership from being owned by a father to being own by the husband. Precisely why the modern day intelligent woman tend to lean towards liberation championed by feminist movements shouting, “Power to women! Yes, women have power and I will show you the scriptural way.
I define submission according this passage as; submission is the God given calling of a wife to honor/respect, affirm her husband as a leader according to the grace endued in her.
I am totally aware that not every woman can stomach this definition, again I assure you ladies that I understand that the word submission just upsets your stomachs. But keep reading, I may not turn out as bad as you thought. Just give me a chance to explain this passage, you might actually like me after this and recommend this book to all your girlfriends.
I came across words from a modern day woman who prides herself as a feminist,
“In no way, do I see myself nor will I ever see myself as inferior to any man, husband or otherwise. The very notion insults all that I am and who I was raised to be. An authority or superior is one you obey without question. To be without question is the position of a fool. Fools, soldiers, children, and dogs obey without question. My greatest gift is a thinking mind which I exercise and will continue to exercise until the wheels fall off. I will never suspend my thoughts or bow to the leadership of a man blindly. If I needed a master I’d be a dog and if I needed a parent I’d be a child. Since I am neither I needn’t subjugate myself”.
These are tough words from a woman that show clearly that out there are many misconceptions on the subject of submission. It is however important for Christian families to know what submission is, and what submission is not. Submission is not the subject that needs to be taught to a girl child and an adult woman. Both boys and girls, men and women need to know what submission is from God’s perspective.
Let me correct the misconceptions by first submitting what submission is not;
(1) Submission does not mean a wife must be scared around her husband. There is a huge difference between respecting your husband, and being afraid of your husband. I can still remember the kind of nicknames that fathers were given by their children. I trust that men are reading this part too. It will be sad if men can read my book and yet jump this chapter thinking it does not concern them, it does concern us all. If it was possible I pray that you as a father can sit down with your wife and children and read this part together so that your daughters can understand what it means to submit, and your sons must know how to treat their future wives.
When the door opens and I step into my house facing my wife, when I lift up my hands it is to hug her and not to hurt her. In some families when a man lifts up his hands children run undercover, lock themselves in wardrobes and under the bed in fear of their father, while the wife stands there traumatized knowing she is about to get another beating.
Children must be happy to see you sir when you come home. They should be running towards you to be hugged, and not hiding away from you. Your wife must not be traumatized by your arms, she must be longing to be wrapped in your tender loving arms. The picture of a woman laying on her husbands chest while his arms protects her, is what our children need to witness more and more, remember we are modeling on how our sons will treat ladies out there one day, and raising a standard and expectations on how our daughters will be treated by their husbands. We reap what we sow, therefore sow precious seeds in your family today, your children and grandchildren will reap bountiful harvest. We did not receive of fear and timidity, but of power and sound man. Fear is not a sign of submission. The husband is a loving friend and not an ancestor to beg and appease in order to have a peaceful sleep. You needn’t tip-toe around him in fear as if he was a total stranger.
(2) Submission does not mean you are devoid of thinking. When you make vows on your wedding day, it does not mean ‘I do’ means I do surrender my medulla oblongata to you my husband. It does not mean the vows like an explosive blows your brains up and scatters them in different directions rendering you useless, devoid of intellectual thinking. If possible protect your brains in marriage, feed your mind and invest in your intellectual development. Just as you make sure you wear a headband, and wear your wedding ring wherever you go, make sure you carry your brains daily and don’t lose your mind, like your wedding ring protect your brains.
(2) Submission does not mean a wife cannot positively, wisely and intelligently influence her husband. Whether your husband is a porter, policeman, pilot, preacher or politician you have the ability to influence your husband in a positive way.
(3) Submission does not mean she places the will of the husband above the will of God. Always remember my sister, God’s will overrides that of your husband. If he is leading you into drugs, theft, lying etc. please don’t submit into sin. If you are a preacher’s wife don’t encourage your husband to lie in the house of God whether it is the kind of lying that could help bring more funding into the church, or it is an exaggeration of a miracle or testimony. Remember this pastor’s wife, if he can lie to God’s people from the pulpit, it means he has lost the fear of God, and his conscience has been sealed with a hot iron! If he can lie in front of you, he will lay with another woman behind you. Cultivate a culture of honest, avoid white lies because they have a tendency to grow. If I can get away with one lie I can get away with another. Submit to your husband yes, but God’s will prevails first, far and above your husband's will.
(4) Submission does not mean she cannot have spiritual, intellectual, material and financial growth with her husband. Your spiritual growth is not based on your husband, it is possible to be spiritually more mature than he is. His growth and career options should not determine yours. You don’t have to have a job that is under his job, a salary under his salary, and your buying power under his buying power. A good husband will seek to cultivate your talents, support your development, water you and rejoice in your success, after all your success is his success.
LAWRENCE MUSUNTE
+27845517018
lmusunte@gmail.com
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