WHY AFRICAN WOMEN FAIL TO REPORT ABUSE
People often doubt the victims of Gender Based Violence that happens inside homes, in the community they live and at churches or religious institutions.
Today I want to share about my late sister Collete Musunte, May Her Soul Rest In Eternal peace.
The context of the story is P.P Zambia in Konkola Township. This was an informal settlement in the small mining town of Konkola.
P.P Zambia therefore had no access to electricity and water. We used to fetch water from houses of miners especially those houses close to the settlement.
Today in hindsight I realise how most of these miner's families were generous to allow us not only draw water, wash dishes and wash clothes but they often allowed us to bath in their bathrooms.
Of course there were a few who didn't want these Poor people of Zambia (PPZ) near their homes.
In PPZ my sister and I were living with our aunt the elder sister to our mother.
This idea of sending children to live with your sisters or brothers were very common. Obviously because in most of our African culture we didn't have the concept of extended families.
Your mother's sister is your mother, and your father's brother is your father. Your cousins are your sisters & brothers.
One dreadful day my sister took many trips to draw water for cooking & drinking. Our big cousin brother Jeadonne decided to take the same water to bath.
My sister was frustrated having to draw water only for Jeadonne to bath, so she complained.
But Jeadonne decided to show her who is a man. In anger he took the tool for cultivation a hoe (ulukasu) and he charged against my sister.
I could see the fear in my sisters eyes. I was just a young boy but this image never leaves my head.
At some point I thought he is just scaring her he would not use ulukasu to fight my sister, No! I was wrong.
My sister was screaming and moving backwards she hit muluputa for maize. She fall face up and Jeadonne didn't waste time as if he is breaking the ground attacked my sister.
This hoe was going to land straight on her forehead. She lifted her hand to protect her face and the hoe hit her with the force between the thump & the four fingers. It was a deep cut blood everywhere.
She was rushed to Konkola clinic. This was a police case but she told the nurses a lie to protect Jeadonne from being arrested. The clinic referred her to Chililabombwe where she was admitted at Konkola Mine Hospital.
When she was discharged I asked her why she didn't tell the truth that it's Jeadonne who assaulted her.
She said to me "if I reported him they will send him to jail and you and me will not stay here because I will be blamed for sending aunt's son to prison".
And she explained to me that reporting him would bring family conflict between our big mother & our small mother.
This is not a unique story exclusively for my family, and how crimes were covered up as family secrets protecting perpetrators.
Most of you reading this can relate because you have those family skeletons.
Cousin sisters being raped by cousin brothers. Uncle's taking advantage of their nieces as if they should pay with their bodies for the roof, food, clothes & school fees he provides.
And when pregnancy occurs the sister will protect her brother and silence her own daughters who are victims.
We lived at the times when boys and girls slept in one room. Incest, lose of virginity & sexual abuse happened from within the home, before they happened outside the home.
Jeadonne got away with assaulting my sister but believe me one day your dog will turn on you.
This time Jeadonne had an argument with his mother (my aunt).
This time Jeadonne picked an Axe that was laying nearby and almost chopped his mother's ear 👂 off. Again blood was spilt but this time his own biological mother.
Because the mother was at this point unconscious the case of assault was opened and he was arrested.
By the time she became conscious her beloved Jeadonne was in police custody. He was sentenced for two years in prison. It was the longest two years as his mother kept complaining and mourning over her son as if he was dead.
After serving his sentence Jeadonne was out of prison talking about his reform in prison.
He said he was a changed man. The mother received him with white powder spread on his face amidst ullulating, singing and dancing.
Life after reform didn't change much. One night I was sleeping in a small hut near the main hut/house.
He came in shouting and telling me to go back to my family. He pulled out the metal chain we used to lock the door with and attacked me, beating me with a chain.
I scream until my uncle & aunt heard and came to rescue me. His words was; "I will kill this boy, I am not scared of prison".
The prison reform didn't last after all but again my wounds were treated at home, no police case opened.
This culture of resolving crime within families never ever bring justice to the victims.
Resolving crime within the family or within our community covers the perpetrators and they feel invisible.
The victims on the other hand deal with trauma associated with the abuse.
Victims are guilty tripped; "you want your uncle to go to jail? Who will look after your aunt and sisters?"
Sometimes victims as they insist on reporting violence they are told; "you are just selfish".
Our culture protects men, and victimize women & girls.
Years later I heard some noise in my neighborhood in Cape Town. A 6 year old girl has been sexually abused by a 13 year old boy.
The child couldn't walk properly and when the mother checked her she discovered blood on the 6 year old private parts.
Yes, the perpetrator is a minor, but this is still a police case. I heard an elderly man advicing them that they resolve the matter between the boys family & the girls family. At that point I went there and spoke with authority.
If you don't take this child to police, I will report both families. I told them both children will need intervention.
Out of fear they went to the police & the child was referred to the children's hospital.
But after the hospital I realised the victim's family was hiding something. They managed to get paid damages and the boy has not seen a social worker to help him realise what he did was wrong.
At 13 years this boy got away with rape, and he might grow up believing men can sexually violate a woman, and society will shield them.
Precisely why victims of physical, emotional and sexual violence have no confidence in the judicial system. Often ignorant police officers ask sexually violated victims if they didn't enjoy the sex.
And because the subject of sex is a tabbo in our culture, even the sexual crimes are treated as a tabbo, a shameful subject to discuss.
My appeal to victims of sexual violence both men and women is to have the courage to Stand UP, Speak Out and Stay Strong!
This is a trans-generational agenda. Creating a safe place for our sons & daughters.
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